Coming Out Stable, Confident, Prepared
When coming out it is best to do when you are:
1) Stable – relatively little day-to-day drama. By coming out there could be a lot of coming-out-drama created and having too much other drama could overwhelm someone. For me, I was in a relationship that was doing pretty well, no friend drama, no health issues, and no financial emergencies. I had good grades with a scholarship. My paid internship was going well and I expected a job after college, I was about as stable as any 21-year-old could be.
2) Confident – understanding who you are, what you want out of life, and a game plan to have a great life. It is important to know who you are so that questions and at times hatred does not make you your own worst enemy. It is important to know that they are the people missing out on a whole different perspective and that a LGBT person can accomplish anything a straight person can, just a little more fabulously! For me, I knew I was gay, knew I wanted to be an engineer, had enough cash from jobs to complete my schooling. I had several warm-up coming outs to friends, which all went fine, so saying the words was not a problem. I had seen the hate mongers at events with the ‘god hates gays’ signs. I knew some people do not like me before they even know me and it no longer made me mad, it just made me kinda sad.
3) Prepared – the people you tell can react in a wide variety of ways. For me, I waited until I was 21 because I needed to be able to support myself. I had read some statistics, somewhere around then, that a full 1/3 of parents upon a child coming out disowned their child. I could not risk my parents interfering with my great future. I waited until I could finish college on my own, get a good paying job, and start out on the great life I had envisioned.
For me getting those three boxes checked took until age 21. Normally parents are more religious, conservative, and come from a generation less accepting. It is hard to present them with something they have no control over and which goes counter to their beliefs they had established over many years. My parents were not religious, but they had let it be known that they were not cool with gays. Coming out, to those closest to you, is always hard because from their perspective they invested time, money, and emotions into a straight person just to find out that their investment was not what they thought it was. So they might feel lied to or ripped off. Try to be grateful for what they did for you and with you before coming out and try to cut them a little slack initially. Time makes things better, the worst part is the start. When I told them they did not cut me off financially, but I was prepared. That school term I got the worst grades of my higher education. Overall, being stable, confident, and prepared allowed me to deal with the drama and emotional-roller-coaster of coming out to my parents. Note: I love my parents and our relationship has gotten much better.
How did coming out to your parents go?
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